(With apologies to Billy Joel’s Piano Man):

It’s nine o’clock on a Wednesday morn
The regular crowd’s shuffled in
We’re fifteen strong in the Mansion House pool
Trying to work off our tonic and gin

Well, Leslie C. Grimm is a friend of ours
She teaches aerobics for all
Be it stretching or strength’ning or
    pumping the heart
Everyone’s having a ball

Splash, splash-splash, de de splash
Splash splash de de splash splash splash

Help us get fit, you’re the water ma’am
Help us get fit today
’Cause we’re all in the mood for a
    good workout
And you’ve got us feeling okay

Most classes are held with the music on
Performing’s the lanky blonde’s style
’Cause she knows that it’s she we’ve been coming to see
To forget about life for a while

As we stand in the shallows to stretch ourselves
She starts on her comic display
“Arms out and legs in, legs out and
    arms in –
That’s why I call it T and A”

Splash, splash-splash, de de splash
Splash splash de de splash splash splash

Someone says, “I believe this is
    killing me”
As she pokes at her tricep and wiggles it
Leslie says that “You’d be much more comfortable
If you simply decided to jiggle it”

Strapping belts on we head to the
    deepest end
Where your blood pressure instantly dips
You see, water has powers that resonate
From your hands to your heart to
    your hips

Help us get fit, you’re the water ma’am
Help us get fit today
’Cause we’re all in the mood for a
    good workout
And you’ve got us feeling okay

Now Leslie grew up near Chicago town,
Lost her dad at a very young age
She developed her humor and sarcasm
To survive and then thrive and
    grow sage

At New Trier East she blossomed in
    synchronized,
A swimming form stressing the team
But she’s great one on one when she’s having such fun
Helping swimmers with strokes and esteem

Splash, splash-splash, de de splash
Splash splash de de splash splash splash

With jumping jacks, kicking, and twisting
Through water with little resistance
Those with arthritis and bad tendinitis
Get plenty of timely assistance

And the teacher is practicing politics
She strives for a Tisbury post
Sings soprano in chorus and tells stories for us
We’ve won out and Hollywood’s lost

Help us get fit, you’re the water ma’am
Help us get fit today
’Cause we’re all in the mood for a
    good workout
And you’ve got us feeling okay

Son Winston won honors in middle school
“He’ll be a small shot this next year”
Husband Howard moves boats, so be nice to him
“Or he’ll drop your yacht right on
    its ear”
As the hour winds down I ask Al my friend
If young Leslie has helped his old bones
The former pro gridder’s grown fit as a fiddler
He’s buff and there ain’t no more moans

Splash, splash-splash, de de splash
Splash splash de de splash splash splash

Help us get fit, you’re the water ma’am
Help us get fit today
’Cause we’re all in the mood for a
    good workout
And you’ve got us feeling okay.