Flotsam & Jetsam: Recent News You Can Sort of Use

Go North, Young Chum

Though the likelihood of a shark attack around the Vineyard is extremely low, the chances are highest on the south shore, said state shark expert Greg Skomal. “I couldn’t guarantee your safety” at South Beach, but State Beach is “not an area I’m the least bit worried about” – at least until fall, he said, when sharks begin to enter Nantucket Sound.

Pretty Good

Timothy Johnson

Edgartown was named the prettiest town in Massachusetts by Architectural Digest magazine. Its selling points: statuesque lighthouses, a shapely shoreline, and a star turn as the backdrop for Jaws. No mention of the architecture, but still not bad for a 347-year-old town.

Less Good

Meanwhile, Chilmark and West Tisbury were straight up renamed by Coastal Living. Said the magazine in a write-up of the best islands for retirement: “Choose from seven charming villages spread across the island, from buzzy Edgartown and Oak Bluffs to more rural Tilmark and West Chisbury.” The villages of Aqbury, Tisquinnah, and whatever the seventh one is called were not recommended for senior living.

Wow, What a Big Fritter You Have, My Dear

Okay, maybe a two-foot-square, sixteenpound fried conglomeration of dough and apples is not as big as you might imagine the world’s biggest apple fritter to be. But it is big enough, Back Door Donuts hopes, to win the cult late-night bakery a Guinness World Record. The competition? Well...there is no reigning champion: the apple fritter, it turns out, is kind of a hole in the dough category. Back Door is hoping for a dunk.

Okay, But Would it Have to Be a Nude Statue?

“If Hillary Clinton was elected president, and I was saying exactly the same things, they would be building a statue of me on the porch of the Chilmark Store, and I would be the hero of Martha’s Vineyard.” – Lucy Vincent Beach fixture Alan Dershowitz on his defense of President Trump, which he claims led to him being ostracized on the Vineyard.

Yes Jets

Forty-nine years after Island activists tried and failed to block an airport expansion that allowed jets to land on the Island, a small respite is in the offing. The main runway at the Martha’s Vineyard Airport, on which all jets land, will be closed for approximately eight months so that it can undergo a $10 million re-paving effort. The reason? To make it safer to land more jets.

Law and Disorder

Timothy Johnson

Aquinnah officials voiced support for police chief Randhi Belain following allegations in the Martha’s Vineyard Times that he may have received preferential treatment after a night of drinking. According to the Times, the off-duty chief took a cab home after celebrating his birthday and was accidentally brought to the wrong house, which he then entered. Though the homeowners called 911, he was not taken into custody and no police report was filed. “The board of selectmen completely supports Chief Belain for continued employment, end of story,” said town administrator Jeffrey Madison. Except it wasn’t: he also called the Times’ story, which ran four months after the incident, a “cheap shot.”

He Said

“Do you know who I​ am?”
– Island photographer Peter Simon, to actor Bill Murray

He Said

“Do you know who I am?”

– Actor Bill Murray, to Island photographer Peter Simon.

The exchange came in the midst of a mid-August spat at Lola’s in Oak Bluffs. Murray accused Simon of taking his photo, then dumped a glass of water over Simon’s head. Simon was reportedly banned for life from the restaurant.