Flotsam & Jetsam: Recent News You Can Sort of Use


Courtesy D. Hannon

Hot on the hooves of goat yoga at Native Earth Teaching Farm, Island Alpaca has announced it will lead a series of summer yoga classes next to the alpaca pasture. What’s next, horse yoga? Maybe…the
Misty Meadows Equine Learning Center says it could be in the works.

Dong E, We Hardly Knew Ye

Even after changing its name to Ørsted, the Danish company formerly known as DONG Energy, a frequent butt of admittedly juvenile jokes in these pages, failed to make the cut in the first round of contracts awarded for the construction of wind farms south of the Vineyard. Expectations are that DONG – er, Ørsted – will rise to the occasion in the second round next year.

The Chappy Movie Incident

Sara Brown

Chappy ferry owner Peter Wells appeared before the Edgartown selectmen to ask for more signs to deal with an influx of tourists looking for the ferry after the release of the recent film about Senator Ted Kennedy’s infamous accident at Dike Bridge. The problem: “constantly pleading with Google” has not convinced the company to fix their erroneous directions to the ferry. The other problem: the tourists keep stealing any sign that says Chappy Ferry.

Spontaneous Combustion

Falmouth Police Department

Apparently in protest of all the attention being paid to breakdowns and maintenance of the Steamship Authority’s ferry fleet, an SSA shuttle bus self-immolated in the Palmer Avenue lot in Falmouth. Fortunately, no one was injured.

Enough Said

In the ongoing saga of the alleged porn studio in an Aquinnah rental house, the plaintiff has accused the defendant of a “smear” campaign, while the accused has requested a “gag order.”

Nantucket Reds

The Vineyard may be a popular choice for the summer White House, but Nantucket reigns supreme in nuclear winter. That island is home to a Cold War–era bunker built by the U.S. Navy as a quick escape in the event a bomb was detonated while John F. Kennedy was in Hyannisport. Town leaders are now weighing a proposal to turn it into a Kennedy museum – despite the fact that Kennedy never set foot in the bunker, or on the island, even under threat of nuclear war. He preferred Martha’s Vineyard.

Dredge the Swamp

Mark Lovewell

After failing to keep a dredging permit up to date, and failing to have it reinstated in a timely manner, and failing to procure a feasible bid for a short notice rush job, Tisbury officials failed to dredge the badly shoaled entrance to Tashmoo Pond before the start of the busy summer season. Now boats are failing to navigate the channel at low tide without running aground. The waterway is unlikely to be cleared before the fall – unless, per Tisbury’s wish, Edgartown uses its dredge to bail them out. Stay tuned.

In Other News:

The Supreme Court ruled in Vineyard resident Wescley Fonseca Pereira’s favor regarding a deportation order. Hospital board chairman Timothy Sweet stepped down from his post after twenty-one years on the board, eight in the top spot. He had recently come under fire for the way the board handled the firing of hospital CEO Joe Woodin. The Steamship Authority selected Seattle-based HMS Consulting and Technical Engineers to lead an outside investigation into a spate of recent breakdowns and communications issues. The Chilmark home off South Road where President Obama and his family stayed in 2013 was sold for $15 million. The Clarion Inn, where the Obamas did not stay, was sold for $8 million. The owners of The Bite announced they’re calling it a day; the future of the Menemsha clam shack is uncertain.