In the movie Quackster Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx, Gene Wilder plays a fellow who earns his living going down the streets scooping up horse droppings, then selling them for fertilizer. He becomes one of the most beloved men in Dublin.

Well, if Quackster were reincarnated here on the Vineyard, he probably wouldn’t be patrolling the streets, he’d be driving a pumpout boat. And while “beloved” may be too strong a term to use, it certainly can be said that our pumpout boats have earned the profound gratitude of the Island’s maritime community.

Several years ago, a law was enacted requiring all heads and holding tanks to be discharged no nearer than three miles out to sea. In response to this legislation, the town of Tisbury had two pumpout boats custom-built to assist vessels moored in its harbors. Today, one boat with a 250-gallon capacity serves Vineyard Haven harbor, while another with a 150-gallon capacity serves the boats moored in Lake Tashmoo.

To use the service, boaters simply call Channel 9 and request a pumpout. A boat is dispatched as soon as possible. There’s no charge. Of course, you might ask, once the waste is transferred to the pumpout boat, then what? Good question, and no, it’s not sold from a pushcart as fertilizer.

Until last year, the waste from pumpout boats was carried to the Tisbury Wharf Company in Vineyard Haven, where it was transferred into a giant holding tank under the parking lot. The effluent was shipped to New Bedford, processed at a treatment plant – and then pumped back into the sea. Now the waste goes directly into the Tisbury sewage system. Tisbury harbor master Jay Wilbur says the town is happy to pump out any boat that asks, but he points out that it can occasionally be a messy – even hazardous – job. It requires patience and faith on the part of the boat owner and the pumpout boat skipper to do it right. The emptier the tanks and the more time to pump, the less risk of a spill.

“The last thing we want,” says Jay “is to get a call from someone who says they want to get a quick pump before they leave the harbor.” The pumpout boat may be busy – or laid up for repairs – and the temptation to dump in the harbor or near the coastline can be great. “Even with the three-mile offshore limitation,” says Jay, “there’s still room to discharge at sea between the Vineyard and Falmouth.” It may be legal, but it’s disgusting even to think about.
Massachusetts has led the way in adopting clean-water legislation, and Jay says that the Vineyard is probably second in the Northeast only to Nantucket in the use of pumpout boats. On a busy summer weekend, as many as 100 boats in Tashmoo and Vineyard Haven may request the
service.

Quackster may have a cousin in the Bronx, but he’s got a lot of friends on the Vineyard.