I am not a Vineyarder.
On second thought, perhaps I am a Vineyarder. I have lived on the Island for six years. My daughter has resided here her entire life. Furthermore, I am
married to someone with the last name Alley. The Alley name alone should garner me a generous allotment of Vineyarder points. Of course, while Alley is good, it’s no Mayhew or Vanderhoop. If I’d married a Mayhew or a Vanderhoop, I’m sure I’d be grandfathered right in. No persnickety questions asked. My husband, the Alley, is not a native because he was born in Texas while his father was in the Air Force. His mother was a summer kid until high school when she became a year-rounder. A wash-ashore, some might say. “No way,” she retorts emphatically. “I’m a Vineyarder.”
For some time now I’ve wondered, Who amongst us are the true Vine-yarders? Who gets bragging rights? Is it the people who stand up at town meeting and recite their Vineyard pedigree before arguing against a leash law? Can someone who moved here as recently as 1998 make the cut? There must be a mathematical formula that definitively separates the wannabe’s from the real thing. Pythagoras’s Theorem doesn’t apply, nor does E=mc2.
Clearly we need to devise a Gosnold Equation.
Peter Falb, professor of applied math at Brown University and Chilmark summer resident, says, “I’m not sure I could provide such an equation, as being an
Islander is both a state of mind and a state of place.”
The Steamship Authority takes a stab at it with its Islander Preferred and Islander Preferred Excursion programs. To qualify for Islander Preferred, you need proof of residence, which can be a telephone bill or listing in the phone book. But to qualify for the souped-up Islander Preferred Excursion Program, you must also have an Island address on your car registration and driver’s license. Essentially the Authority says that A+B+C=D. A (Island address) + B (car registration with Island address) + C
(driver’s license with Island address) = D (Islander worthy of discounted excursion rates). D has its privileges.
In an effort to attain D-worthiness, people have been known to try to redevise the formula. According to SSA reservationist Mary B. Maloy Walker, one customer tried to substitute a Chilmark beach pass for B and C. “He told me that only residents of Chilmark can get this beach pass and that he had to show proof that he lived here to get the beach pass. He tried to explain to me what an Islander was, and his version of an Islander was someone who can get beach passes.”
When asked about her own Island status, Mary says, “I am not an Islander. I am a continental. I have been here for twelve years. Now I feel like I am an Islander. But a true Islander has been here five to seven generations.”
Whoa. The equation expands.
Oral historian Linsey Lee records the stories of Vineyarders – or, more precisely, those with Vineyard stories to tell. She has spoken with over three hundred people about the Island. I asked her what traits define the Vineyarder. “Every Vineyarder is unique,” she says. “Historically there was a sense of fierce independence and self-reliance, yet at the same time an interdependence with neighbors. People had an understanding of the land and sea around them.” Linsey believes the equation to qualify is quite simple: A+B=C. Born here (A) and grew up here (B) equals Vineyarder (C). “I wouldn’t call myself a Vineyarder,” says Linsey, who was conceived but not born on the Island. “I’d like to, but I don’t think I have the privilege. I came here every summer growing up. I moved here in 1972. I wish I was a Vineyarder because this is my home, but I don’t feel I can claim that title.”
Ken DeBettencourt is well-positioned to decode the Vineyarder
theorum. A math teacher at Martha’s Vineyard Regional High School and a fourth-generation Vineyarder, he
methodically incorporates a number of variables and may have come up with the equation that has eluded us all for so long.
The Gosnold Equation:
Vineyarder =
a = how long your family has lived on the
Island
b = the number of hours you sat in standby last year
c = the number of beach permits on your car
d = the number of months of food you have stored in your basement
e = the number of people you know in the first Jaws
f = the number of fishing poles you own
g = the difference in the price per gallon of gas on Martha’s Vineyard and in Falmouth. According to this equation, it’s a fact. I am not a Vineyarder. Are you?