Flotsam & Jetsam: Recent News You Can Sort of Use

Yellow House Fever

Cate Hitchings

A Corvette recently took out a perfectly fine yellow house on South Water Street in Edgartown. Meanwhile, the selectmen are trying to take out another yellow house in Edgartown that is crumbling by its own accord. Perhaps if said driver and said selectmen combined their efforts, progress could be made. We suggest a summit meeting at The Newes, which is where the driver was found by police drinking a beer after fleeing the scene of the crime. Bottoms up!

Fungus Amongus

Antone Lima

Vineyard bats have long had a reputation for keeping their noses clean. For reasons scientists could never quite pinpoint, local populations continued to thrive while their mainland counterparts were decimated by deadly white-nose syndrome. No more. A bat captured this spring in Oak Bluffs tested positive for the fungus that causes the syndrome. Officials suspect it may have become infected while hibernating on the Island, but are holding out hope the infected bat was a recent washashore.

Sam & the Bee

Alison L. Mead

Twelve-year-old Sam Fetters won the Islandwide spelling bee for the second year in a row and heads to Washington, D.C. for the national competition on May 28. His winning word was “pinafore.” Last year Fetters never misspelled a word at the D.C. tournament, but didn’t win because behind the scenes there is a written portion of the program that focuses
on etymology. Who knew? This year Fetters is battle-tested, and not just in D.C. On the Vineyard it took him forty rounds to beat his opponent Ingrid Moore in the West Tisbury bee. 

Signs of the Time

“Hoo Rah for Bill,” the Tisbury sign that gave a friendly shout-out to President Clinton at the height of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, has been given the heave-ho. The town’s zoning official said the sign is an eyesore and was the subject of numerous complaints. Meanwhile, over in Oak Bluffs, a homeowner emblazoned the word TRUMP on the roof of his garage. No word yet on whether that’s up to code.

Special Talent

Courtesy National Park Service

Justin LaVigne wanders the Vineyard shoreline like a lot of people. Some look for bits of sea glass or pretty rocks. LaVigne, however, tends to find dead fisher cats: of the two ever found on the Island, both were by him. Fishers aren’t cats. Theyare in the otter family and don’t
even like to eat fish, preferring  porcupines. If only skunks were on their menu.

We’re Number 1! We’re Number 1!

According to a recent NBC News report, the Vineyard and Nantucket are the most expensive places in the country to raise a child. A two-parent, one-child household living on the Vineyard needs to spend $85,163 a year to scrape by – without savings or discretionary spending. Thrifty Islanders might consider moving to Honolulu, where the annual cost of living is a paltry $78,423.