The Lyin’ in Winter

“A lot has transpired in the last two years, and I don’t think that needs explanation.”
So said Patriots owner Robert Kraft as he accepted the Vince Lombardi Trophy on what was to many Vineyarders the first, and perhaps only, day of unadulterated positive news this past winter. And I don’t think that needs explanation.

Before the Super Bowl – yes, that’s how long ago we put this Spring-Summer Home & Garden issue together – I was considering using this space to explain how here at Schneider Tower I recently directed my staff to take all necessary action to ban the sale of ferry tickets to persons from seven predominantly moped-driving towns in middle-eastern Massachusetts. This action, long overdue, will make our Island safe again. So dumb that we haven’t done it before.

I also wanted you to know that we are going to have a full and complete investigation into the millions and millions of fraudulent voters in the Best of the Vineyard contest, which is the only way to explain why Sengekontacket always wins the best kayaking division when I prefer the north shore. It’s a disgrace. Illegal kayakers, some of them dead, some of them bused in from New Hampshire, casting ballots. Sad!

I was going to tell you that previous editors of the Home & Garden issue of Martha’s Vineyard Magazine have intentionally and irresponsibly downplayed the potential threat of a Bowling Green–style attack on the “historic tree do not climb” sign at the bottom of North Road. And that we will build the wall around that sign on day one, which I believe is sometime next week, and Falmouth will pay for it.

Most of all, I wanted to tell you that we are going to end this constant cycle of FAKE NEWS about how hard it is to find affordable housing on this Island. Anyone who looks at this Home & Garden magazine even for a second can see that there are lots of beautiful houses on this Island, all full of tremendous, very nice, terrific things. With beautiful, classy gardens. Believe me. And yet you look at the local media, at least most of them, and all that their so-called reporters can ever talk about is how there are not enough affordable houses on the Island for people to live in. It’s fake. They have their reasons for not reporting on all the empty houses everywhere! Open your eyes, people; everywhere you look you see bigger and bigger houses, with lots of empty rooms, many mansions. Plenty of room! But they don’t want you to know that.

I was gong to tell you about all of that, and more. But then the Patriots were down at the half with seemingly no hope. And down at the end of the third quarter. And down at the two-minute warning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know who Brady and his bosses are friends with. I have some friends like that, and some cousins, too.

But the point is, the good guys didn’t put their heads in the sand at half time. No, they did their job and changed the outcome. It was a game to remember, and I don’t think that needs explanation.